Happier childhoods without stereotypes

Unfortunately, today’s societies still expect individuals to conform to gender stereotypes. History has shown that adhering to given roles has greatly contributed to promoting the superiority of one gender over the other. In addition, in my view, the modern times have proven that gender stereotypes are not only limiting but also a threat to social stability.

Gender stereotypes originate in childhood

Gender can be understood in different ways. Psychology research points to the traditional gender roles as being the result of both biology and culture ⁽¹⁾Abate, M. A. (2008). Tomboys: A Literary and Cultural History. Philadelphia: Temple University Press, p.vii. This means that the expectations of parents and society will shape how boys and girls act. For example, while girls are expected to be ‘proper’, play with dolls and play dress up, boys are encouraged to be intellectually and physically active, and play sports.

Tomboys and Tomgirls

However, some girls and boys do not act according with the gender norms. Such girls are often referred to as being ‘tomboys’. They are often characterized by physical fitness and stamina. Tomboys are also thought of being gender-bending girls partly because they show a physical fitness similar to that of the opposite gender ⁽²⁾Abate, M. A. (2008). Tomboys: A Literary and Cultural History. Philadelphia: Temple University Press, p.vii.. Despite the flexibility of her gender identity, a tomboy identifies neither as a boy nor as queer ⁽³⁾Alvemark, A. (2021). ‘Becoming a Woman Through Tomboyism. A Qualitative Study of the Female Gender Identity of the Tomboy’. May 31. [unpublished].

Boys straying from gender norms might enjoy knitting, dancing, painting. In the communities where unusual talents for boys are practiced, one may experience stigma, bullying, and even rejection. In any case, being different (enjoying activities traditionally assigned to girls) can be a reason why boys seen as ‘atypical’ are often teased at.

When stereotypes threat performance and identity

Peer pressure to follow the norm is oftentimes unavoidable. Looking back on my childhood, I vividly remember the community’s increasing expectations for the girls to ‘act more like a woman’ at the age of puberty. One of the negative emotions such experience made me feel was alienation.

Children’s awareness of gender stereotypes may lead to a series of harming consequences. We have seen that ‘failure’ to fit gender norms gives birth to bullying. Fixed gender roles also delay the process of discovering the true self.

‘Stereotype threat’ refers to the debilitating effects that the awareness of negative gender or race stereotypes has on child performance ⁽⁴⁾Dewar, G. (2020). Stereotype Threat: How Exposure to Stereotypes Can Hinder Your Child’s Performance. Parenting Science. Retrieved from https://parentingscience.com/stereotype-threat/. Some familiar situations have to do with girls’ lower performance in sports simply because of the pressure that they are thought to be physically weaker than boys; or how they perform in maths because their cognitive function is considered to be inferior to that of boys.

Similarly, positive gender stereotypes may also be detrimental to child performance ⁽⁵⁾Dewar, G. (2020). Stereotype Threat: How Exposure to Stereotypes Can Hinder Your Child’s Performance. Parenting Science. Retrieved from https://parentingscience.com/stereotype-threat/. The boys who think that physical fitness is a natural ability can experience anxiety or feel less motivated.

Different activities, different skills

When children are presented with toys and activities within their perceived gender, this can limit the development of their skills.

One source that constantly feeds the gender roles is strongly related to the toys made for boys and girls. An article in Daily Mail examined the toys produced by different companies and observed that ‘‘companies are continuing to use gender stereotyping to market their products, with pink for girls and blue for boys’’ ⁽⁶⁾Poulter, S. (2019). ‘New Research into Gender Stereotypes of Children Shows ‘Feminine’ Face More Stigma Than Girls Who Are Tomboys’. Males Daily Mail, 30 April. Retrieved from https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6973797/Research-gender-stereotypes-children-shows-feminine-males-face-stigma-tomboys.html.

Apart from colour segregation in toys, another way in which product marketing reinforces gender stereotypes is via the skill sets developed in children who play with certain toys. For example, the lego sets for boys are more complex and require more attention to details, while the legos for girls are simpler, thus requiring less intellectual effort. In addition, research shows that legos such as doll houses have proven to reinforce traditional skills in girls ⁽⁷⁾Poulter, S. (2019). ‘New Research into Gender Stereotypes of Children Shows ‘Feminine’ Face More Stigma Than Girls Who Are Tomboys’. Males Daily Mail, 30 April. Retrieved from https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6973797/Research-gender-stereotypes-children-shows-feminine-males-face-stigma-tomboys.html.

Similarly, typical boys activities such as team sports, climbing trees and exploring new spaces are often accompanied by a strong development of visuospatial memory, physical endurance, interpersonal skills and problem-solving skills. Research shows that exposure to a wide-range of activities gives a child a large pool of options in terms of education and career options later on in life ⁽⁸⁾Pomranz, C. (2021). ‘Tomgirl and Tomboy: Rethinking Gender Stereotypes’. August 26. Retrieved from https://www.kevinmd.com/2021/08/tomgirl-and-tomboy-rethinking-gender-stereotypes.html.

The girls and boys who are not perceived as gender-bending, may be deprived of these opportunities. Furthermore, this might lead to the strengthening of gender norms throughout childhood. Overall, I think that boys and girls should play together more. The benefits outweigh the disadvantages.

Parents as role models

An article published in Parenting Science is dedicated to raising awareness about the threats of stereotypes and presents notable advice meant to neutralize them. Among the most important ideas are the carers’ presentation of gender-bending role models to children and the community’s support of children’s natural inclinations ⁽⁹⁾Dewar, G. (2020). Stereotype Threat: How Exposure to Stereotypes Can Hinder Your Child’s Performance. Parenting Science. Retrieved from https://parentingscience.com/stereotype-threat/.

An article published in New York Times focuses on the benefits of child rearing outside the gender norms. The article reinforces the idea that childhoods where gender norms are few or nonexistent, encourage children to be happier adults and more including of others ⁽¹⁰⁾Why Do We Still Have Girl ‘Stuff’ and Boy ‘Stuff’?. (2020). New York Times, Nov 18. Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/2020/11/18/us/gender-identity-childhood-tomboy-lisa-selin-davis.html .

To conclude, children deserve to grow in societies better prepared to accommodate their needs. In my opinion, a heavily gendered childhood has the potential to affect the physical growth and psychological development of anyone.

In retrospect, a great many female adults call themselves tomboys. I believe that this fact also shows a general preference to being atypical. In effect, a tomboy is whatever each of these individuals makes of her childhood. Although there is a general understanding around the concept of tomboy, each woman is entitled to her own version of what tomboyhood entailed. Similarly, to assign defining traits to the tomboy gender identity would mean to perpetuate the existence of gender stereotypes. The same principles apply to the men that consider themselves to have been ‘atypical’ boys.